Walking the Cancer Path
If you read my last blog, you know that my family is dealing with the diagnosis of osteosarcoma (bone cancer) with our dog Cookie the Wonder Pup. Since the last blog post, Cookie has had her rear leg amputated. She is now two weeks post-surgery, and I would say that she is doing much better than her Mom is doing. Even though this is the fourth of our dogs to develop cancer in five years – that fact still astounds me – I continue to learn new things; not only about the four different types of cancer that our pups have had, but about how to deal with this horrible diagnosis in the best way possible for our dogs. So I thought I would share some of my “lessons learned” with you, for those of you who are walking this path currently, and those who will unfortunately navigate it in the future. Cancer is currently the cause of death in 50 percent of our companion dogs in the United States. The rate is much higher than that in some breeds. So the chances that you will deal with this diagnosis in your history of dog guardianship is almost certain. I pray that you don’t. Here is what I will suggest to you, in no particular order of significance.
· LET GO OF GUILT. Even if you didn’t do you very best for your pup before the diagnosis, even if you should have gone to the vet earlier, even if you could have been more attentive, that is in the past. Once you have a cancer diagnosis your job is to make the best possible decisions for your baby, to bond with him or her as tightly as you can, and to make the time that you have left as beautiful and pain free as it can possibly be. With my first three dogs I allowed myself to do a lot of “why didn’t I…...”. It was counterproductive, agonizing, and it took away from the positive emotions that I should have been projecting to my sick pups. With Cookie I have the satisfaction of knowing that I have been almost obsessive in giving her the best diet and lifestyle and protecting her from carcinogens, so there is no need for guilt. Yet look what happened. So is there really any need for guilt, or is it just environment, genetics, and to some extent, luck (or lack thereof) of the draw? Either way, guilt is a negative emotion, and your pup needs you to let go of it and be focused on the positive for them.
· ALLOW YOURSELF TO GO THROUGH GRIEF YOUR WAY. People will talk to you about stages of grief, question how you are grieving, how long you are grieving, if you are “dysfunctionally” grieving, etc. When I hear those comments I want to scream “How DARE you tell me how to grieve for my dog!”. First of all, who decides the “right” way to grieve, or sets the time limit on it? Now I suppose if you are sitting in a dark room, unable to eat, speak, or move, perhaps you have a problem. But here’s the thing; grief is very personal. We all experience it our own way. Some of us internalize and don’t show emotion. Some of us are weepers. During week one after Cookie was diagnosed I was just numb. I walked around in a fog. I don’t really remember much about that week, except that I cried a LOT. The second week I was angry, and I mean angry at everything and everyone, God included. I couldn’t cry, all I wanted to do was scream. The week after Cookie’s surgery I was deeply, profoundly sad, almost to the point of being immobilized, except that I had to take care of Cookie, but I felt able to do little else. Now I’m in my “I need to find solutions” phase, so I am in hyperdrive, researching naturopathic treatments and assistive devices for her. My husband, God bless him, has tolerated every part of my grief, even though he’s not sure what the hell is going on, because I have been so mercurial. My response has been “deal with it, my baby is sick”. So my overarching message is do grief your way. Let your emotions take you where they need to go, but try VERY hard to do this away from your pup. We all know that our dogs are very intuitive and can read our emotions. Do your crying, screaming, overt anger, or total immobility away from your pup. In his or her presence, your job is to do the almost impossible task of acting normal.
· BUILD YOUR TRIBE. You will need a core group of people that you can really count on to get you through this. I’m not talking about those people that say “call me if you need anything”. I’m talking about the people who love you and know you so well that they just show up with what you need without being asked. In the midst of your grief, confusion, and fatigue, sometimes you don’t even know what you need. I have three angels in my tribe (thank you my soul sisters Kelly, Lynda, and Tresa) who have sustained me daily through the storm, and I would literally not have made it without them. Lean on your tribe and let them hold you up.
· TRUST YOUR GUT, BUT BE INFORMED. As I always say to dog guardians, no one knows your pup better than you do. Your dog, your rules. When you get hit with this devastating diagnosis you will be bombarded with lots of complex medical information and recommendations from your veterinarian, and everyone you know will have a story or an opinion about what you should do for your baby. Slow down. Take your time to do research and make informed decisions. Read lots of reliable material about the diagnosis. Get a second expert medical opinion if your feel you need to or want to. Listen to what your dog tells you about what they want. Treat all the war stories you will hear as nice to know, but in the end – follow what feels right to you for your dog based on the reliable medical information that you have been given and discovered and what your dog has told you.
· LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Cookie has been given 3-6 months to live given the state of her disease. I put zero faith in that, and I pay no attention to that timeframe. Only God knows how much time Cookie has left on this earth and Cookie will make the decision about when she is ready to cross the bridge and let me know. I will abide by her decision, not mine. Until that time, I choose to be thankful for every day that I have to share with this incredibly gentle, beautiful, loving being that I am lucky enough to call my girl. I will spend my energy not waiting for her to die, but making each day filled with as much adventure and love and as little pain as I am humanly capable of doing. If your pup has cancer and won’t be with you for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or their next birthday, don’t focus on dates, just celebrate them early. Your dog does not know how to read the calendar and they will enjoy their turkey, Christmas stocking, and birthday cake just as much in July. Make the most of every moment to sustain you for when there are no more.
· DON’T FORGET YOUR OTHER FURRY FAMILY MEMBERS. Romie, our 3 year old Australian Kelpie, is taking an emotional beating during this process. She is a very sensitive pup, and she clearly doesn’t understand why furniture is rearranged, we are all sleeping on the floor to accommodate her sister, and why Cookie can’t run and play roughly with her as she used to do. It is a delicate dance to be able to pay as much attention to Cookie as is needed, yet still meets Romie’s emotional needs. Don’t forget that your other babies know that something is very wrong, both with you and with their sibling. They may show any range of reactions, from sadness, to anger, to withdrawal. These are all normal reactions and patience and support are required to deal with them, even if they act out inappropriately. They are grieving too.
· In closing, let me suggest some resources for information and supplies to you that I particularly love.
o My favorite dog cancer book: The Dog Cancer Survival Guide, by Dr. Demian Dressler, DVM. This is my dog cancer go to, co-authored by a naturopathic vet and a veterinary oncologist. It gives you both perspectives and a huge amount of information about every type of canine cancer and both traditional treatments (chemotherapy drugs, radiation therapies, etc.), and alternative treatments. Available on Amazon.
o My favorite herbal supplement website: McDowell’s Herbals. This Australian company is simply amazing. They produce all organic, locally sourced herbal products, not only specific to various types of cancer (Cookie is on their osteosarcoma protocol), but to common non-cancerous canine complaints too. They have four naturopaths on staff and offer free consultations specific to your dogs’ diagnosis that include herbal and dietary advice. They offer the same for humans too! Take some time to navigate their website and you will be impressed. Thank you to my wonderful friend Lusa for finding this site for me.
McDowell's Herbal Treatments - Natural Extracts & Mixes (mcdowellsherbal.com
o Great information websites: Colorado State University site. What to Expect When Your Pet Loses a Leg to Cancer - Flint Animal Cancer Center (csuanimalcancercenter.org) CSU is one of the leading animal cancer research centers in the country. This link takes you to the amputation page, but the navigation at the bottom of the page is rich with resources about other types of canine cancer. Bone Cancer Dogs site. Bone Cancer Dogs, a nonprofit organization | Funding & sharing research on osteosarcoma in dogs Great website for information on canine osteosarcoma. Good blog site and lots of support group information.
o Canine wheelchairs, harnesses, and slings for mobility impairment: Walkin’ Pets. Equipment for Disabled Dogs | Carts for Disabled Dogs (handicappedpets.com) This is where we got Cookie’s wheelchair from (we call it her “bike” so she doesn’t feel disabled) and it is wonderful. They are made specific to your dogs’ measurements. They also offer a wide variety of assistive devices for mobility impairment.
Until next time, love your babies and cherish every beautiful moment with them. Cookie sends you kisses.